SHATTERED [Chapter 1]
First chapter. yay! :) Not much to say...just kicking off the fic. Enjoy!! And if you haven't read the introduction message to the story yet, read it here. It helps if you do, so you know the basic outline of the entire story. But it isn't necessary.
Josh let his hands brush Hayley's hair softly that quiet morning during October. Hayley could feel something stir, something wrong. Josh was unsually quiet for himself, and without a doubt strangely dull. He was always so full of energy, so alive during their rehearsals. What was wrong now? What bugged him so much that all he did was brush her hair with his fingers? Hayley couldn't take it any longer. Something wasn't correct. She let her curiosity get the better of her.
"Something's up," she said.
"Nothing's up. Promise," Josh replied, sounding sure. She stayed quiet before going on. "What's wrong? Really?" she asked, frowning.
"Hayles, I said nothing is wrong," Josh repeated. Hayley sighed. "But you're so quiet today. You are always involved in the rehearsals. Now I find us both sitting on a couch and feeling bored. I swear, I'm never bored with you. I know you have something on your mind. Spit it out, Josh."
Josh shifted in his seat before facing Hayley's face, staring into her green eyes. "Hayles," he sighed. "you're always right. And I think we need to talk."
Hayley gulped. Since when did they ever need to talk? Her palms began to sweat with every movement. "Y...yeah?" She let out.
"I think it's best for the band...well..." Josh paused, thinking to himself, being hesistant, before saying anything more. "I think we should take a break. I mean...our band is, well, we're doing amazing. And I'm pretty tired of hiding everything. You were right before, it's good to hide our relationship, but right now I feel like we really just need to stop going out altogether. It's for the best, I swear," he whispered.
Hayley felt her heart sink. She felt her heart get stepped on, kicked to the ground, shot at, stepped on again and left to lie in the dirt. She fought back tears. "Are you sure?" she asked.
Josh nodded. "I'm sure. I think we need to just see other people. You've always been my best friend. And it's strange to be dating my best friend. Hayley, please don't take this the wrong way. The last few years have been the happiest of my life."
"Then why are you leaving me?" Hayley wailed.
Josh felt his heart tear apart, too. "Hayley, like I said," he began, trying to stay calm, "I want you to find someone better for you."
"You're the one that's the best for me!" Hayley said. The tears began to fall.
Josh was hurt, seeing Hayley like this, but he couldn't fight the thought that this was the rational thing to do. "Hayley, we can focus more on the music and not us. If we ever let it out that we were dating, more people would focus on Hayley and Josh instead of Paramore. I don't want that. This is why I'm taking a break from us. Hayley," Josh tried to find the words. He just couldn't feel them come up. "I'm sorry," he said simply, wiping tears away from her eyes. "I'm so sorry."
Hayley got up and shoved him aside. "We're going to have to stay away from each other, Josh. I'm going to need some space before I settle this all out." And she ran away, eyes stinging with tears.
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Hayley looked around the room. Nobody was around in her apartment. Chad would probably come in anytime soon, to greet her with flowers...as usual. There was nothing that felt great about it anymore. She sighed to herself, staring down at the floor, trying not to let the anxiety of Josh breaking up with her bug her too much. She constantly tried to brush away the thought, but it kept coming back like a boomerang. Sometimes she'd just break down and cry about it. Still, it was so long ago. But forgetting about your first love is nearly impossible...especially if it was one of the best times of your life. She sighed.
Right now, Paramore was taking a break from the studio. They hadn't performed a show in months. They had already released their fourth studio album and gone on tour. But the band had to do their own thing. Jeremy was taking a break since he and Sarah finally had their own baby. As much as Hayley was happy for them, she couldn't believe their relationship went this far. They looked so happy together. Why couldn't she feel the way Sarah felt with Jeremy when she was with Chad? Was it that hard? Half the time she enjoyed herself, but the other part of the time she felt so alone and miserable, like Chad wasn't "the one" for her. But he did so many nice things and was too good to turn down. The guy was really a keeper. But why was she so unsatisfied?
Hayley heard the door unlock, and Chad entered the room. "Hayley!!" he called in a happy tone, holding a box in one hand. "I got you some cake for your birthday!"
Hayley forced a smile. As much as she wanted to embrace him and thank him, she couldn't find it in herself to do so. What a great way to spend her birthday. Feeling horrible, and not even in the mood for cake. "Babe? Why the long face?" Chad asked, placing the box atop her dinner table.
"I don't know. I guess it's just been a moody day, Chadball," Hayley said.
Chad wrapped his arms around her. "I got an awesome ice cream cake for us both. We can watch scary movies and do whatever you want today. It's your birthday, and we've got the entire day. I'm here for you."
Hayley sighed, forcing a smile again. All she really wanted was Josh and the rest of the band, but they were already drifting apart as is. Josh was in Europe, vacationing with his girlfriend, Tabitha. Hayley cringed internally she thought about them both. Josh and Tabitha. Tabitha and Josh. The sentence ran again and again through her head. It just didn't seem right. Yes, Tabitha was pretty and Josh was happy, but she couldn't be more jealous of a girl in her life.
Chad spoke. "Hayley, you're always such a fiery ball of energy on special occassions. It's your birthday and you look depressed as hell. Is there something I should know?" Just then, a knock startled them both. Hayley rushed towards the door, escaping Chad's arms.
At the front of the door stood Jeremy and Zac, with flowers, a cake, and birthday balloons in their hands. "Happy 22nd birthday Hayley!" They said in unison. She felt herself grin wide, nearly speechless as she looked into their eyes. She embraced them both, so happy to see her bandmates after months. "Thank you so much!" she exclaimed.
"Don't tell us you think we forgot about your birthday!" Jeremy said. "Yeah," Zac added, "we can never forget!"
Hayley then looked around for any sign of Josh. She felt disappointed after not seeing him there, too. "Sorry Josh couldn't be here, Hayley," Jeremy said, as if reading her mind. "It's fine, promise," Hayley lied. "As long as you guys are here."
"Got you again!" Zac yelled as he beat Jeremy at another Xbox game. Chad laughed, high fiving Zac. "We make the best team!" Chad said. Jeremy grunted, clearly unsatisfied. "I call for a rematch! Right now!"
The two agreed, pressing a series of buttons and then the game started up again. Hayley smiled to herself as she took a huge bite of her ice cream cake, watching the boys play from the comfort of her dining room table. It was already 9 PM. She did have fun today, hanging with all three of the guys, but of course someone was missing. Josh. Hayley looked up at the clock again. She completely gave up hope that Josh would ever show up tonight. He was in Europe, for Pete's sake. How could the guy ever show up at 9 PM here, in Los Angeles, all the way from Europe?
Until there was another knock.
Hayley felt her heart skip a beat as she fled toward the door. Before she opened it, someone with a deep voice yelled out: "Police! Open up!"
Jeremy, Zac and Chad's heads turned simultaneously towards the door. Zac was in a state of shock. He ran towards Hayley's bedroom, panicked. "If they ask, I was never here!" he hollered before locking himself in.
"We're screwed!" Jeremy wailed.
Hayley gulped before undoing the lock and opening the door.
"Josh?!" she exclaimed, throwing herself in his arms.
He hugged back tightly. "Hayley! Happy birthday!" He put her back down as he saw Chad and the others approach. "I haven't seen you guys in...well, forever!" Josh added. "And sorry about the whole police thing. I just wanted to freak you guys out. I guess I wanted to surprise Hayley more, though. You know, be...unexpected."
Hayley smiled. She smiled so much that it felt like her lips were getting numb. "I thought you'd never make it!" She said, leading him into her apartment. "The flight was late. I had to be in right on your birthday. We were delayed by at least two hours, Hayles. I'm sorry. But hey, I'm here now! So let's party!" Josh said.
"Okay!" Jeremy agreed, grabbing his Xbox controller. "We were just up for a rematch. You got an extra controller, Hayles?"
Hayley frantically looked around. "Oh, here!" she said, grabbing one from a stray table. "I always have an extra for all you guys." She waved the controller in the air. Josh took off his thick coat and set it over a chair, proceeding to grab the controller from Hayley's hands.
"I'm not as good a gamer as before, guys. I'm a little rusty." Josh warned the boys. He plopped himself down on the couch and Hayley joined him.
As they started playing the game, Hayley felt herself get caught up in Josh's features. He looked even more amazing than before, especially after not seeing him in a long, long time. He occasionally glanced back at her, and Hayley felt herself blush. She really was being over-obessesive with him. And she had a boyfriend.
But...maybe she really didn't want Chad after all. Did she really? Or was it just her parents? Hayley frowned upon the thought. It really was her parents, wasn't it?
Hayley thought back even further. She was surprised that she even managed to think this hard amidst all the loud noises coming from the tv. Once Hayley started dating Chad, her parents approved of him right away. They liked his attitude, and even asked Hayley if they would get engaged any time soon. Back then Hayley thought it wasn't such a bad idea. But right now, sitting next to Josh, she began to doubt those thoughts. Feeling this way, she knew she had to do something before it was too late.
It was crazy--conjuring up ideas about how to get Josh back even when he was already dating someone else. Someone he really loved.
After a bit of dancing, more eating, tv watching, and a guitar hero match, the crowd had all snaked out of Hayley's apartment one by one. All that was left was the remnants of another cake Jeremy and Zac brought and Josh alone with Hayley.
"It looks like you live alone now, Hayles," Josh noted, walking around the apartment like some spectator.
"Yep. But it's not like I don't have friends over. I haven't gone into complete hermit mode yet." Hayley smiled as she opened the box of cake. She licked her fingers after taking a piece with her bare hands. "Mmm," she said to herself. Josh laughed.
"Looks good!" he exclaimed, taking his own piece out. "Wow, it is good," he said with his mouth full. Hayley grinned.
"It's been so long," she began, sitting.
"I know," Josh agreed, taking another piece of cake, "I feel like I don't even know half of the stuff I used to know about you before."
"You've totally forgotten about me?" Hayley questioned.
"No, no!" Josh replied quickly, startled. "Of course not, Hayles. I don't think I can forget about you." Hayley smirked at her best friend. "Good," she replied.
"Tabitha and I have just been so busy lately," Josh began. "And that's why I came here. I have some news."
Hayley felt her face crumple up in curiosity. "What news?"
"Okay," Josh said, inhaling in a breath. There was a pause that seemed to last forever--although Hayley didn't mind all too much for she enjoyed looking into his deep brown eyes.
"I've asked Tabitha to marry me!"
And she almost died right then and there.
The happy mood, the jubilance that filled the air seemed to rush out--sucked out from the atmosphere as if someone had opened a window.
Hayley tried to smile. She really did. Her best friend was in love with someone enough to ask her to marry him. The weight of the world had been shoved against her that moment.
And the realization that she wouldn't even have a chance to get Josh back anymore was what hurt most of all. It already was too late. "Really?" she croaked.
"Yeah, I have!" Josh exclaimed, quite obviously excited. "And I want to ask you something."
Hayley hoped it was something good. She hoped that he would say Tabitha said "no" to his proposal and that he wanted to get back together with her, although she knew that was impossible. But still, she held on to the thought. "Yeah?" she asked.
"I want you to be my best man."
Now that was something she wasn't expecting. And her thoughts were pouring out one by one--a bit of confusion, surprise, and the most subtle anger convulsing in her system. The first thing that came up in her head she let slip through her mouth. "I'm not a guy!" she exclaimed.
"But there's nothing against the rules for that! You're my best friend! Tabitha's already got someone else in mind for the maid of honor."
Hayley forced a half-smile, bathed in an uncertainty. She didn't know if she had the right words for his request--was it really worth it? Especially when she'd be there, watching him walk down the aisle?
"Um...I don't know. I'm not sure."
"Hayles!" Josh said, grabbing for her hands. A spark that was much too ardent burned the surface of her skin as they made contact with his. "I need you. You can help Tabitha work out our plans. Bond together. I'd love for you guys to be friends."
Hayley looked down at Josh's hands intertwined with hers. The fact that he admitted he needed her made the reluctance disappear. She finally gave in--loving the way he looked into her eyes as if she really was crucial to this. She felt almost weak as she realized how much of an effect he had on her. "Okay," she sighed. "I'll do it."
A wide grin crept along Josh's already perfect face. "Thank you!" he exclaimed, reaching out to hug her. She hugged back, but he let go quickly, probably feeling awkward. Hayley couldn't blame him. He was engaged now. "And Hayles," Josh began.
"Yeah?"
"Do you think you can sing at our wedding? Not to take advantage of you or anything, that's the last thing I want to do. But you're amazing. And I'd love if you did."
"Sure. Why not?" she said, staring back at him. The two shared a laugh together.
"I better be heading back now," Josh began, getting up from the couch.
"Do you have a place to stay?" Hayley began.
Josh thought to himself. "Nope," he concluded. "But I think I'll find a--"
Hayley immediately cut him off. "No worries. You can go take the blow up mattress and sleep in the living room. I've got extra blankets and everything." As much as she wanted to offer him to sleep with her in bed, it would just be too strange. And anyways, now that he was here, it was all she really needed. They would catch up with each other tomorrow.
It starts off a bit disappointing for Hayley, doesn't it? But it's how I intended it. Updates probably will come quick for this fanfic. Not completely satisfied with the title though, but it fits nonetheless. I'll keep it, then. :) I apologize that the chapter is kind of boring. I'll make up for it. And I just can't get over the banner. It's so awesome. Thanks, Amanda! :D
